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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Death and Beauty

Last Thursday I checked my voice mail to discover that a beautiful being, Milissa Ann, had died a couple of days earlier. I met Milissa in Wimberley not too long after we moved to Texas, and she was part of our community for several years. After she moved to Santa Fe we lost touch, though I would see her occasionally when she came through town.

When I heard the news of Milissa's passing I realized that I had been thinking about her a few days earlier, wondering how she was doing. Apparently many people who knew Milissa had the same experience; none of us knew she was in the hospital, but despite the distance we felt her through the web of our connection.

And now I find myself thinking a lot about a woman that touched many lives, but that I hadn't seen in over a year and had no physical connection with. In her death I feel her strongly. While her family and friends grieve, she feels like pure light, a twinkle moving freely, released of her body's struggle. 

Saturday night was her memorial service in San Antonio. Her close friends Kim, Arielle, and Trisha attended, while a group of us danced barefoot at Toci. Milissa loved to dance, so it seemed fitting to bring her into our evening. I went to her Facebook account and we kept her photos up on my computer screen, next to a picture of Rachel, another young, vibrant woman in our community who also died suddenly (in January in a car accident.) We lit a candle for them both, and I giggled at one point to look up from my dancing to see Milissa and Rachel's photos hanging out together with a mango margarita in front of them. Perfect.

At the memorial service someone read this poem:

I'd like the memory of me
to be a happy one,
I'd like to leave an afterglow
of smiles when day is gone.
I'd like to leave an echo
whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times, and laughing times,
and bright and sunny days.
I'd like the tears of those who grieve
to dry before the sun,
Of happy memories that I
leave when life is done.

Milissa, you have left many bright memories in our hearts, and a reminder to choose to love love love as fully as we can, knowing that our time here is precious.

Here is a Facebook post from Kevin Anthony Flores, that again shows how we are all connected in this web of life and death, and that while the physical form is fleeting, love is eternal.

... In my minds eye I saw the beautiful face of a good friend, beautiful smile of an angel, shining black hair cropped short to frame her face like the petals of a rose… And her eyes!  Big deep brown glistening eyes that seemed to caress my entire being.  She seemed to be saying hello and goodbye all at once — all at once.  My mind slipped back in time as memories superimposed themselves over her face; our first meeting and the beautiful feeling of knowing that we had always 'known' each other, the camaraderie of a sister found, siblings of Spirit wrought in infinity, such a beautiful feeling.  That day that we met we shared intimate stories about ourselves, dear ideas and thoughts about life and death, and the things that dreams are made of.   I gave her a ring; a silver ring with a mexican fire opal set in a swirling base and told her that if she ever needed me or just wanted to feel known, and loved, that all she had to do was hold it and think of me.

The memory dissipated and all that I was left with was the beautiful face, smiling, the eyes radiating hope and gentle passion for life in all its expressions, even the expression of pain, sadness and yes, even death.  I'll never forget those eyes.  And in those few moments of connection I felt good, I felt happy.  I felt as though she had said hello and goodbye all at once but also to say: '"never stop, keep on loving, and keep on dreaming.'"

And I opened my eyes and realized yet again, in a very definitive and decisive way, that I was dreaming awake.

I came home that evening to find a message waiting for me to inform me that a very good friend of mine had died.  Her journey in life was challenging, yet she was always smiling for me, she never complained about her journey, only recounted the facts and the things she was thinking about them, I do not doubt that she was sometimes sad, or angry or in pain, I do not dishonor her humanity, yet she always rose above it, usually with a gentle hug and a smile.  And even though it saddens my heart  that I may never again be able to receive a hug from her, or hear her sweet voice, I smile.  I smile in the memory of the knowledge she shared with me, to smile, always to smile even in the face of humanity's greatest challenge; physical death.  I know that she is dancing with stars at this very moment!

Her name was Milissa Ann and it was her face that I experienced on the rocks at the Giant's Causeway that afternoon.

Blessings to you, Milissa.

I just realized: the last photo below I took in Taos on the day Milissa died. It was the most beautiful, clear, vibrant rainbow I've ever seen.... Now I know why!



Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Finding Balance with Technology; Choice vs Addiction

Early morning, Austin airport. I popped open my computer to send a couple of emails before I boarded my plane to Santa Fe.

"Oh, you are on the computer!" she said. I looked up to into the smiling face of a woman sweeping under my table. "My husband lives in Dubai, and whenever you comes home he is always on the computer. It drives me crazy!"

Sometimes a comment from a stranger is just that. Sometimes a comment from a stranger is actually the voice of spirit tapping you on the shoulder to pay attention.

I paid attention. I stopped mid-email and gave her my full presence.

She shared how her husband spent all of his time shopping on the computer. How she once deliberately pulled his computer out of the car and left it at home when they went on a vacation to Galveston, and how when he found out his computer was not with him he borrowed his daughter's computer. How even if he had been gone for months, when he came home his focus was completely hooked.

As she spoke I watched her body language and energy. She was frustrated, and open-hearted and loving. I felt laughter under her words, a sense of feeling incredulous that anyone would prefer a machine to a personal interaction. I realized I would much rather play with her than with my computer.

And the second she left, I went back to my email, but this time with a little more awareness.

I love technology. And I also am very aware of its siren-like lure that causes many to drown out everything else and immerse in its flow, to the detriment of conscious relationships and vital health. Our societal focus used to be on the television; now it is shifting to little computers we can carry with us everywhere. My goddaughter, Rowan, recently told me about how much fun she had at a slumber party with her girlfriends, where they stayed up until past midnight texting their one friend who wasn't with them.

When I hear these stories, I feel alarmed. Is the next generation going to be able to function in relationships? Are we creating a society that has no idea what personal intimacy is? And I recognize that my generation grew up with television as the focal point, and I imagine my grandparents worried that we were spending too much time sitting in front of it.

The answer is in finding balance. When I first got my iphone, I found myself playing with it all the time: checking emails, looking at Facebook, searching the internet, playing scrabble with far-flung Toltec friends. It started out fun. And then it started to feel compulsive. I HAD to check my email. I HAD to see what was going on with my friends and family on Facebook. What started out as a convenient  tool for me to create more ease in my life started to shift into a handful of distraction and "should."

Most addictions, whether to alcohol or an iphone, start off like a fun friend but over time turn into a controlling dictator that we are compelled to obey. We put the veneer of "this helps me relax/focus/stay-in-touch/sleep/function" over the top, but the truth is we are no longer making a choice based in the biggest picture of our lives, but in the fixated, fear-based beliefs of the mind.

I now find balance in keeping the ringer off my phone, and only answering when I actually have the space to talk to someone. When I feel the urge to check email or Facebook, I first stop, take a breath, and notice my surroundings. I come more present, and get clear on is this the choice I really want to make?

So now I will upload this blog, close my computer, and go enjoy the beauty of nature outside. Balance!




Monday, August 8, 2011

Taming Wild Pony Projects


Summer brings heat, long days, vacations, and for me, project wrangling.

Each summer Raven escapes the high temperatures and humidity of Texas by heading out of town. I delight in these long stretches of time alone to round up and tame my current herd of run-away ponies.

Many years ago I lived in a tiny cabin on the edge of the Sierra mountains. My horse, Chiona, lived at a stable many miles from me. One morning I woke up with a brilliant idea: To move Chiona to my land. I converted an old shed to a stall, bought some hay, and moved her in. But I had forgotten one major thing in my dreamy vision of being able to visit and ride my horse whenever I wanted to: Chiona was a high-spun, nervous thoroughbred who was an expert at getting herself into trouble.

Chiona waited exactly one day before she metamorphosed into destructo-pony. Then she turned her full powers on. On Day Two I awoke to the sound of hoofbeats outside my window. Chiona had broken out of her stall and was running in panic up and down the road. On Day Three she broke out again, but this time she headed for my garden where she made her mark by galloping repeatedly through my vegetables plants. Day Four we went for a quiet ride where I spent most of my time gripping the saddle so I wouldn't fly off when she stopped abruptly at every tiny noise or movement. On Day Five she broke out again and danced her hooves throughout my garden. One Day Six I realized my folly and moved her to a stable with a real door, fence, and arena.

My current herd of out-of-control pony projects all start out as a dreamy vision of “won't this be wonderful and easy!,” but unattended they bust out of their confinements and create chaos. One is an overflowing heap of papers that attempt to escape each time I open the back closet door; originally I thought “What a perfect place to put the papers I still need to file so I won't have to look at them.” Another is our garage. Yikes. Definitely time for some serious corralling there. The third is Raven's side of our home office, which I received permission to tame after the piles of audio equipment and un-harnessed papers began to stomp over everything else.

Trying to coax a 1,000 pound, galloping animal into her stall at 5 am was great practice for figuring out how to approach the piles of paper that are stacked precariously on my closet shelves and put them into neat containers. And when I open my pantry and see rows of neatly organized goods I feel the same relief I felt the first day I visited Chiona at her new secure stall : all is right with the world and everything is in its proper place.



Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Lammas Intent: Write, write, write!

August 2 marked the mid-point between summer solstice and fall equinox, a holy day called Lammas, or Lughnasad. Lammas is the first of three harvest festivals that celebrate the ripening of grain, fruit, and vegetables that sustain life. Even though we are blessed to have constant bountiful harvests every time we hunt and gather at the grocery store, I like connecting to the earth's rhythms and remembering that there are seasons for everything.

For me summer is a season to up my play quota and to harvest ripening projects. This weekend I went to the beach and spent hours floating in the warm salty water (I love the Gulf), making sand castles, and learning to boogie board. Part of my intent was to clear the space to make a big shift in my life around my writing.

I tend to go in cycles with my writing; I am an expert in the procrastinate-adrenaline method of creation. Over the years I've discovered the beauty in the slow and steady method, but it only wins out periodically; mostly I use looming deadline monsters as my incentive to write.

And here is my line in the sand to myself: To make writing my primary job, rather than something I squeeze in between emails and laundry. This has always been my heart's desire, but I always seems to find at least one million other things that urgently need to get done first before I can settle in to write.

Which brings me to Stephen King.

Most people know Stephen King as an author of well-written downright creepy or upright thought-provoking books. I know Stephen King as a guiding light for me as an author.

In his book, On Writing, Stephen kicks writer butt. He describes the muse not as some little twinkling fairy who flies over and sprinkles magic dust on your computer, but a surly, cigar smoking fellow who lives in the basement. Our job as writers, Stephen explains, is not to wait like a longing lover for the muse to bless us with an abundance of profound words. Our job as writers is to move into the basement, furnish an apartment for the muse, and get to work.

Stephen goes on to describe what actions support muse relations: A place to write that has a door one can close on the world. A desk, not facing a window, but facing a blank wall. Specific writing hours. No phones or emails or distractions. Writing at least 20,000 words a day, or about ten pages.

I imagine Stephen King sitting down at his desk, day in and day out, writing, and I am inspired (he admits that he writes on holidays and his birthday.) Last night I took this inspiration into action. I set up a tiny table in our back bedroom, facing the wall. I made a weekly schedule. I even created a new user profile for my computer. Now I can log out of noise of my emails and to do lists and log into a new screen that has a picture of still water and gives me access to what I need to write, nothing more.

For the month of August I plan to harvest heaps of words, and to craft those words into a book. I now have an agent and an editor who are guiding me to share my core gifts to a mainstream audience. But more importantly than any one book or writing project, I aim to grow into a steady, dedicated writer who writes no matter what. Aho!



Monday, July 25, 2011

The Power of Food

HeatherAsh and Nerissa
Every once in a while I meet someone who so inspires me that all I can think of is "How can I share this person's wisdom and heart with our community?"

A couple of years ago I met Nerissa. She was shaken up by a bad pap test and a doctor telling her she needed to have a hysterectomy immediately. She decided she wanted to first see if she could heal herself. Six months later the doctor was astonished that she had a completely normal pap test, and Nerissa was amazed to find that many of the health issues she was having disappeared.

What Nerissa did was simple: through a blood test she found out what foods she was sensitive to, and shifted her diet.

While that sounds simple, we all know that changing our diet, even when we know what is good for our body, is not always easy. It takes a lot of will, dedication, and what I've found truly helpful is community support. It is much easier to stick to a plan when you are accountable to other people, and with the energy of the group behind you.

So I did my Pixie thing: I gathered people together. For this summer I'm part of a group of ten people that are working with Nerissa to discover what our food sensitivities are, and to then support each other in making changes to our diet. We met for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and after taking our blood tests and sending the food sensitivity kit to the lab, we are all not-so-patiently waiting for our results to come in.

I am massively curious to see what food sensitivities I might have. Food sensitivities are different from food allergies, and are much more difficult to track because while a food allergy shows up almost immediately, a reaction to a food you are sensitive to might now appear for three days after you eat the culprit. As Nerissa said: Eliminating food sensitivities is the fastest way to get relief from common health complaints, most ailments disappear by the fourth day and don't return unless an offending food is eaten. Also, removing offending foods is a great way to boost your immune system naturally resulting in the body's ability to handle environmental based irritants (pollen for example) far more easily resulting in less obvious symptoms and often times no symptoms.

I'll keep you updated on my progress! A few days ago I started a cleanse, and I'm working my way up to cutting out the eight main food allergy/sensitivity culprits: eggs, nuts, dairy, soy, wheat, shellfish, peanuts, and fish. Well, actually I am slowly working my way up to only eating fruits and vegetables for a bit. I've found that when I cleanse in this way (I use Arise and Shine), cutting out anything but fruit and veggies I can feel my system saying "Thank you!" for giving it a break so it can clear out accumulated toxins. Already my body feels less lighter internally and my intestines are very happy with me.

To read a ton of articles, case studies, and more, visit Nerissa's website at http://www.foodpowers.com. She has a great FAQ page...

If you are interested in getting tested for food sensitivities Nerissa offers info about two different tests: the Alcat and the Elisa. Most of us are doing the Elisa test, which costs $10 for the kit. You then take the kit to a doctor to get your blood drawn and sent to the lab. Cost is about $100 to test for sensitivities to 100 foods or $200 for 200 foods. Here is the link to the Alcat and Elisa test information:
http://www.foodpowers.com/tests.html

Now to go in and take my morning herbs!

Blessings and happy conscious eating....

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

My Teacher Today: A Thirteen Year Old Girl Named Claire

A couple of months ago, on one of my rare surfs through the mysterious and sometimes treacherous waters of Facebook, I came across a video that made me love the human race even more.

The video was of thirteen-year old Claire Wineland sharing about her journey with cystic fibrosis (CF).

Those big doctor words don't mean much until you meet someone that is carrying the label around, usually weighted down by the heaviness of the diagnosis.

And with CF the diagnosis is difficult: cystic fibrosis is a genetic disease that causes heavy mucus buildup in the lungs and digestive organs, causing infections, digestive issues, and often early death.

For most of her life Claire has traveled in and out of hospitals, and she spends literally hours everyday clearing her lungs and taking special medications. Last year she spent 17 days in a coma.

But her illness is not a weight to this little girl. She is not resigned, she is on fire to educate and help others with CF, and to enjoy her life to the fullest. The girl has more spunk and heart and vision than most healthy adults I know, and her capacity to make things happen on a huge scale catches me on fire about the immense potential each of us has to make change.

This morning I found a new video Claire did on You Tube, sharing her five steps to following through on goals. She recorded the video right before going into ICU for a lung infection.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKY_owo4PO4&feature=channel_video_title

In her words: "Why are we here? I don't know the answer to that. But what I think is that we are here to affect other people's lives."

And this is one thing that Claire does daily with her blog posts, video, and by sharing her story.


Today I'm going to print out a picture of Claire and put on my altar, both to use as an anchor to pray for her and all children who have chronic illness, and as a reminder of the power of faith and the power of setting and completing goals. I'm going to bring Claire into my heart in the places where I get stuck, or scared, or pull back from my goals because of fear.

May she inspire you, too with her wisdom, courage, and faith.

Here is the original video I watched about Claire's story, which I posted in a newsletter a few months back:

http://www.myfoxla.com/dpp/news/local/lessons-from-claire-20101124

Bright blessings

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Why Toci? On Dreaming And Being Dreamed

The Toltec Center was born for the first time in Berkeley with the help of many midwives. When this sacred creation turned ten years old in February I had a sense that big change was imminent. Ten is the number of the wheel of fortune card in the tarot and a symbol of big transformation in the works.

The first seeds of change were planted many many moons ago, when a friend shared with me an idea that opened up the sky: She told me, “Why don’t you cultivate a relationship with the Toltec Center as a living, growing being, rather than a structure you are responsible for?”

It was as if I looked up at a ten-year old daughter for the first time and realized that she was no longer a hungry baby, but a young woman who had her own dreams and purpose and relationships, separate from her mama. Woah.

Young people in tribal cultures are often initiated into adulthood only after they are sent into the wilderness to discover their vision and purpose. Separated from friends and family, they turn inward to find their unique gifts and wisdom and to forge their own connection to the physical and spiritual worlds.

And so I let everything I knew go and created a blank slate, a canvas for a new vision to emerge. We had just signed a lease for the perfect home for our community in Austin, and while the physical space was getting new walls, paint, and flooring I felt expectant, belly-full with possibilities. I listened and followed my instincts, like a pregnant mother following her body’s messages of what to eat and when.

And then a rare window opened. Raven was out of town, I had no classes to teach, and three days of space to myself at home. My being knew it was time to dream.

So I went into my garden and spent two days pulling weeds, talking to plants, squishing bugs, and digging in compost to soil by hand. From the outside, I was gardening. From the inside, I was creating space for the mother earth to speak through me of how I could best be in service to her.

On the third morning the waters broke and I sat down and birthed the entire structure of our organization wrote out the pathway of new classes and workshops and programs through February 2013, created a new logo and mission statement, and renamed the organization. There was no thought, only following a larger knowing. My favorite story of this time was when I opened to the question, “What is our new name?” The feeling I was looking for was something short, easy to remember, that was somehow connected to our organization but also new.

“Toci!” Popped into my head. “But that is not a direct acronym for the Toltec Center of Creative Intent….” “Toci!” I heard. “Okay, I’ll think about it,” I said outloud. “Go look it up,” came the answer back.

“Hmmm,” I thought. “I wonder what toci means.” When I googled what I thought was a made-up word my jaw dropped towards the floor and then laughed out loud.  I wasn’t directing anything; I was being guided.

And so I am pleased to announce the re-birth of a new-ancient being, Toci. May Toci help all she touches to re-connect with our hearts, to re-ignite the flame of our inner healing wisdom, and to reclaim our wholeness.

Toci ("Our grandmother" in Nahuatl ) is a deity figuring prominently in the religion and mythology of pre-Columbian Mexico. She is attributed as the "Mother of the Gods" and associated as a Mother goddess (also called Tlalli Iyollo, "Heart of the Earth”)

Thanks, grandma for the new logo, new curriculum, and new space. We are listening….

Saturday, May 21, 2011

New Toltec Center update and pics; Eleven days to go!

Last night I spend the night at our current Toltec Center in Austin, which is tucked into the back of a fabulous Indian clothing and furnishing store, Marigold. I felt so much gratitude for this space, for the community that has gathered in Austin, and for the new adventure to come as we get ready to move into a space that is our very own.

Eleven more days!

Last week the floors were put into our new space; carpets in the healing rooms, a beautiful wood-patterned surface that feels great on the feet in the large teaching space. The kitchen cabinets are now being built and a large storage box for chairs along the back wall. Next week is all about finishing touches, and then we plan to make the move on Sunday, May 30th.

The photos don't do the space justice, but you can get a sense of the progression. We are so blessed to be surrounded by grass, huge oak trees, and have a seven acre forest area just behind us. And I know I'll be eating many breakfast tacos at Rudy's BBQ right next door.

First many walls were torn down and then rebuilt


The little space the person is standing in will
become our meditation room!




View from our porch
in progress...
new floors and colors


River's new office and view
Arielle, Laura, Christine, Arielle

Thumbs Up!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Tsunami Song of Love and Hope

The email below was forwarded to me from a friend in California; it is a letter from a friend of a friend, a reminder that even in the most challenging, difficult situations there can be grace, beauty, and healing.

I also just found a beautiful letter from Thich Nat Hahn, I'm sharing that below as well.

**********


This is a letter sent to a friend of mine from a friend of hers in Japan.  It is an incredible story of courage, gratitude and insight.
Date: 3/15/2011 9:40:51 AM
Hello My Lovely Family and Friends,

First I want to thank you so very much for your concern for me. I am very touched. I also wish to apologize for a generic message to you all. But it seems the best way at the moment to get my message to you.

Things here in Sendai have been rather surreal. But I am very blessed to have wonderful friends who are helping me a lot. Since my shack is even more worthy of that name, I am now staying at a friend's home. We share supplies like water, food and a kerosene heater. We sleep lined up in one room, eat by candlelight, share stories. It is warm, friendly, and beautiful.

During the day we help each other clean up the mess in our homes. People sit in their cars, looking at news on their navigation screens, or line up to get drinking water when a source is open. If someone has water running in their home, they put out sign so people can come to fill up their jugs and buckets.
Utterly amazingly where I am there has been no looting, no pushing in lines. People leave their front door open, as it is safer when an earthquake strikes. People keep saying, "Oh, this is how it used to be in the old days when everyone helped one another."

Quakes keep coming. Last night they struck about every 15 minutes. Sirens are constant and helicopters pass overhead often.

We got water for a few hours in our homes last night, and now it is for half a day. Electricity came on this afternoon. Gas has not yet come on.

But all of this is by area. Some people have these things, others do not.
No one has washed for several days. We feel grubby, but there are so much more important concerns than that for us now. I love this peeling away of non-essentials. Living fully on the level of instinct, of intuition, of caring, of what is needed for survival, not just of me, but of the entire group.
There are strange parallel universes happening. Houses a mess in some places, yet then a house with futons or laundry out drying in the sun.

People lining up for water and food, and yet a few people out walking their dogs. All happening at the same time.

Other unexpected touches of beauty are first, the silence at night. No cars. No one out on the streets. And the heavens at night are scattered with stars. I usually can see about two, but now the whole sky is filled.

The mountains are Sendai are solid and with the crisp air we can see them silhouetted against the sky magnificently.

And the Japanese themselves are so wonderful. I come back to my shack to check on it each day, now to send this e-mail since the electricity is on, and I find food and water left in my entranceway. I have no idea from whom, but it is there. Old men in green hats go from door to door checking to see if everyone is OK. People talk to complete strangers asking if they need help. I see no signs of fear. Resignation, yes, but fear or panic, no.

They tell us we can expect aftershocks, and even other major quakes, for another month or more. And we are getting constant tremors, rolls, shaking, rumbling. I am blessed in that I live in a part of Sendai that is a bit elevated, a bit more solid than other parts. So, so far this area is better off than others. Last night my friend's husband came in from the country, bringing food and water. Blessed again.

Somehow at this time I realize from direct experience that there is indeed an enormous Cosmic evolutionary step that is occurring all over the world right at this moment. And somehow as I experience the events happening now in Japan, I can feel my heart opening very wide. My brother asked me if I felt so small because of all that is happening. I don't. Rather, I feel as part of something happening that much larger than myself. This wave of birthing (worldwide) is hard, and yet magnificent.

Thank you again for your care and Love of me,

 **********

People have been asking me what do I do in the face of this disaster? And my response is to hold compassion, love, and energy for healing. When we go into fear or anger or hopelessness or guilt that only adds to the suffering. This is an opportunity, a challenge for us to stay centered, deeply rooted and present. If you find that you are going into fear, create more space for yourself by not watching the news and focusing on being with what is happening in YOUR life right now. Pray. Celebrate the beauty around you. Pray some more. Ask for guidance of how you can support yourself in a new way of being with transformation. Notice how the media generates drama, and where you get hooked by it. This is not about ignoring or pretending nothing is happening; it is about not adding to the chaos and suffering, but being a resource of stability and possibility. And as the letter above shows, knowing that even in dark times, there are miracles. I hold steady for more miracles and love, and less fear and blame.

My dear friend, Will Taegel of Wisdom University, and I created a short video last week with our thoughts on the recent tsunami. You can watch the video on the front page of Wisdom University, which I recommend you visit to watch the video and also see all the teachings Wisdom U has to offer. We are very grateful to be allied with such an amazing organization.

We also have this video and many others posted on our Toltec Center's youtube channel.

May all beings be happy, may all beings be free.

Blessings,

HeatherAsh

*****

Dear friends in Japan,

As we contemplate the great number of people who have died in this tragedy, we may feel very strongly that we ourselves, in some part or manner, also have died.

The pain of one part of humankind is the pain of the whole of humankind. And the human species and the planet Earth are one body. What happens to one part of the body happens to the whole body.

An event such as this reminds us of the impermanent nature of our lives. It helps us remember that what's most important is to love each other, to be there for each other, and to treasure each moment we have that we are alive. This is the best that we can do for those who have died: we can live in such a way that they continue, beautifully, in us.

Here in France and at our practice centers all over the world, our brothers and sisters will continue to chant for you, sending you the energy of peace, healing and protection. Our prayers are with you.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Slowing Down to Get More Done

I had the funny experience yesterday of being stressed out about getting in a proposal to an agent about my Sacred Time Management book.

Hmm, maybe it is time for me to re-read my own book.

Eventually, I did take my own advice; I got up from my computer and went to meditate.

Today I'm taking my own advice again. I'm going to spend most of the day in the garden.
And while I weed and plant I'm going to celebrate my the successes from the past week.

You see, last week was an incredibly full week for me. Then I taught Friday night, all day Saturday, and most of Sunday. Usually I would take some time on Monday to regroup. But I HAVE THINGS TO DO! Yelled an inner voice. And so I woke up and went directly to the computer, and throughout the day that little voice got more and more frantic.

And that is no way to work!

What I've learned from writing and working with the principles in Sacred Time Management is that when we are in stress, overwhelmed, overloaded, and generally frazzled, it is almost impossible to get anything done in a good way. The remedy is NOT to keep going. Ignore the voice of the critic, which would probably have us all working twenty hour days with no breaks for food or to pee. All the critic can see is what is not done, where you are lacking, and all the disasters that are to come because of unfinished business. This critical time manager is compelling, but it is also WRONG!

The remedy is to slow down and create more space. Yesterday a four minute tea break gave me enough breathing room that I went back to my work inspired and excited. When I hit a bump and I started to constrict again, I stopped and worked on another project.

Then I made sure I got a good night's sleep.

This morning I feel more clear-headed; the critic is no longer driving my bus of perception. I am loving the sunlight coming through the oak tree branches outside, and the soft glow of spring green on the ground. Things don't feel like life or death, success or failure. I feel grateful for the growth of the Toltec Center, the emails in my inbox, and my capacity to explain how Sacred Time Management differs from similar books. I feel empowered rather than smushed.

And I feel the critic waiting in the wings for an opening to grab back the reins and list all the things that are not complete. And so I will consciously connect to my heart, to my faith, to spirit as I nourish my garden and myself today. I'll list all the amazing accomplishments from last week, and link those to flow and ease of the coming week. I'll stop looking at what is wrong or what I have to do in the future, and focus on the beauty of spacious unfolding.There is plenty of time when we connect to the sacred.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Creating Space: 
A Spiritual Community Cleanse

All of the emotional, physical, and mental unweaving and clearing we 
do can be boiled down to one focus: by clearing out what we are not, 
we create space for the Divine to enter us and remind us who we are. 
The more space we have internally the easier it is to listen and tap 
into Spirit's wisdom and clarity.

When I worked with don Miguel our Toltec community did a physical 
cleanse once a year for Lent (about a month and 1/2 between Ash 
Wednesday and Easter). This was always a sacred time for me, and a 
time of huge growth.

A few years ago we started a new tradition by setting intent for a 
community cleansing time from Candlemas (also known as Imbolc) on 
February 2nd to the Spring Equinox (also known as Eostar) on March 
20th. We affectionally call this period "Lense" a combo of the words Lent 
and cleanse.
Candlemas is a cross-quarter day that marks the mid-point 
between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox, and is a time of taking 
stock. For our ancestors who lived by the cycles of the land Candlemas 
was a time to feel into how much longer the winter was going to be, 
and how much grain and provisions needed to be saved to get through 
the final stretch. The light is returning, but we are still in winter, 
waiting for the shoots and buds of spring to appear. We can use this 
time of year to gently release what no longer serves us and gather our 
energy and focus as we prepare for a rebirth at Spring Equinox.

There are many ways to work with the energy of this time of year to 
create space and healing. The focus is to lovingly break up old 
routines and remove distractions that keep you separated from Spirit. 
Make sure as you form your own individual focus that the container is 
one of heart and desire for more space for Spirit, rather than a 
subtle punishment or creation out of frustration, judgment, or 
self-punishment. This commitment is to yourself and is a prayer and 
offering, a sacred gift to clean your temple to receive more of the 
gracious presence of the Divine in your being.

Here are some ideas for your cleanse. Make sure to work with your 
coach to come up with a solid focus that takes into account where you 
are on your path. You want to make sure to not overload yourself. And 
also step up! What I have experienced is that the strong energy of the 
community carried me along in beautiful ways, beyond what I thought 
was possible.

MENTAL CLEANSE
• Opinion fast 
Refrain from sharing any opinion you have with others. This is 
especially useful for controllers. Start by defining what is an 
opinion, and have a focus for what you are going to do instead of 
sharing your opinion. Where you are moving towards is not even having 
the opinion arise in your mind.

• Silence 
Partial or Full Silence: Pick one day a week to be in silence, or go 
into silence for the entire time period. It is possible to continue to 
work and interact in silence, it just takes creativity. Read more 
about my 40 days of silence at: 
http://www.spiritualintegrity.com/content/the-power-of-silence

• Mindfulness practice 
Pick a place where you tend to go unconscious and create a mindfulness 
practice, such as saying a prayer before eating and giving your food 
your full attention, staying conscious of your breath throughout the 
day, sitting quietly instead of reading or watching TV.

EMOTIONAL CLEANSE
• Repression fast 
If you tend to bottle up your emotions this is a good cleanse to take 
on. The fast is from any type of repression of your emotions, which 
means you consciously express any emotions that arise in the moment.

• Expression fast 
If you tend to cycle emotions or stories an expression fast invites 
you to pick one emotion/state (anger, victim, fear) and consciously 
choose not to express. You will need to give yourself a focus for what 
you will do instead of expressing that emotion or story.

• Distraction fast 
Pick your favorite distraction (TV, video games, alcohol, looking in 
the mirror) and stop doing it! What will you replace it with….

PHYSICAL CLEANSE
• Refraining 
Pick one food and stop eating it. Practice staying open-hearted and 
soft around the item, not closing to it. Example: if you pick 
chocolate after a week or so put yourself around chocolate or people 
eating chocolate and watch what arises when you refrain. Be curious 
about its purpose and effects in your life.

• Partial Cleanse 
Choose a category of food to refrain from: sugar, bread, coffee, etc. 
See notes above for staying open-hearted.

• Full Cleanse 
Commit to a thorough cleansing program and stick to it. We recommend 
Arise and Shine www.ariseandshine.com, which is the best cleansing 
program we have found. For this cleanse you will probably need to 
start now to get your body alkalized. For any full cleanse make sure 
you start slow so the detox process is gentle. Educate yourself first!

All of these cleanses, from mental to emotional to physical, are 
interwoven. When you do a mental cleanse you will also have the 
opportunity to cleanse your emotional body. When you do a physical 
cleanse you will get to find loving discipline with your mind.

Whichever cleanse you choose, from the most simple to the most 
challenging, be conscious about how you set it into motion. Plan a 
ceremony to initiate yourself into your commitment sometime in early February.

Talk your commitment over with a friend 
and then write it up to share what 
you will be cleansing. Feel free to add you intent as a comment, or on our Toltec Center Facebook Page. This way we will all share in each other's 
commitments. And watch how you think and talk about your cleanse; 
remember it is a joy to make more space, not a chore! Enjoy!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Resolution Realized

I did it.

After years of thinking about, wanting to, and planning to, I took action.

I joined a gym.

And not only did I join the gym, I am loving the gym.

As a motivational teacher and coach, I love helping others create change in their world. I'm a fabulous guide, cheerleader, support person. And yet this one little area of my life kept being neglected: exercising my own body.

I could rationalize that I wasn't in too bad a shape: I walk regularly. I eat well most of the time. But I could feel my body wanting to move, to stretch, to exercise regularly.

So I found the perfect motivation.

I made a bet with my sister.

My sister, Christy, and I are only fifteen months apart. We spent our childhood competing against each other in equestrian events. That deep-seated sister-rivalry was the perfect kick in the pants to get me to the gym.

Around New Year's Eve I asked Christy if she wanted to play a game with me.

She agreed, and we started creating the game: To see who could join a gym faster. Or who could work out the most times a week.

Then our mom, who knows us both well and is wise in her ways, said, Nope, the game is to see who sustains going to the gym over time.

Note that she was the only one in the family who goes to the gym regularly, and also rides horses twice a week. So she got to make up the main rule of the game.

I joined a gym first, but Christy, who lives outside of Atlanta, is not far behind.

What I didn't expect about this friendly contest was how much I would love it.

I joined with my friend, T, who knows all about the various machines animals that populate a gym.  She showed me the care and feeding of each different machine so I could use them properly.

Being on the elliptical is like flying (an elliptical is a cross between a treadmill and a stair master.) I like seeing how my strength grows. Lifting weights and running have motivated me to do yoga, too.

And I love that the machines in the gym I joined are purple.


Yesterday I worked out by myself for the first time, and that was a milestone. It is exciting to go someplace and feel the motivation and commitment of others, and to feel my own inner athlete emerging, ready to run longer, lift more, and stretch farther.

Thanks to T and Christy and mom for your most perfect butt-kicking support!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

A New Year's Eve Revelation

Last night God winked at me.

Literally.

It was New Year's eve and I was wandering around the zocalo (main square) in Oaxaca, Mexico with my mom, sister, and Raven. The plaza was a beehive of  over-sugared children, dancing clowns, delighted, wide-eyed tourists, teenaged kissing locals, and ubiquitous vendors selling cotton candy, balloons, and flashy light plastic swords.

Standing in the center of all of this happy chaos stood God.

Well, God posing as a very inebriated man.

Two stories before I get to the sacred, drunken wink:

I knew it was God because of Joan of Arcadia, a television show Arielle turned me on to a couple of years ago.

In each episode Joan (of Arcadia, CA) is given tasks by God to complete. Joan is a teenage girl, so she is less than thrilled by God's attention and requests, as they 1. often get in the way of her social schedule and 2. have her doing nonsensical or not-so-popular things like joining the chess club. Sometimes Joan gets to see the greater Divine wisdom behind her appointed tasks, sometimes she doesn't.

The other cool thing about the show is that God likes to surprise Joan by wearing different clothes during revelatory visits. Sometimes God is the janitor at Joan's school, sometimes God is the homeless woman on the side of the street, sometimes the kid at the playground.

You just never know where the Creator will turn up next.

The second story (greatly shortened and slightly Pixie-ized) is about a man in India who loses everything and winds up sitting in a drunken stupor by the Ganges River. Someone mistakes him for a sadhu (a wandering mystic), someone else points him out as a wise person, and like a game of telephone there are soon crowds of people around this man, who becomes known for his amazing capacity to hold liquor and deliver wise, pithy statements. Some of his followers become enlightened.

Question of the story: Does it matter how one becomes enlightened?

Okay, back to my wink from God on New Year's Eve in Oaxaca.

Baggy, stained pants. Einstein wild hair. Planted with flat feet in the middle of the path, teetering slightly.

My brain said, "Avoid." My heart said, "Engage."

So as I passed this out-of-place stranger I turned and offered him a smile and an open heart.

That's when he sunbeamed me with a thousand-watt smile, and a knowing wink.

And thus God snuck up and reminded me that we are all connected, nothing is separate, and to look for the light in the most unexpected of places.

May we all learn to trust our hearts in 2011….


Followers