Why Toci? On Dreaming And Being Dreamed

The Toltec Center was born for the first time in Berkeley with the help of many midwives. When this sacred creation turned ten years old in February I had a sense that big change was imminent. Ten is the number of the wheel of fortune card in the tarot and a symbol of big transformation in the works.

The first seeds of change were planted many many moons ago, when a friend shared with me an idea that opened up the sky: She told me, “Why don’t you cultivate a relationship with the Toltec Center as a living, growing being, rather than a structure you are responsible for?”

It was as if I looked up at a ten-year old daughter for the first time and realized that she was no longer a hungry baby, but a young woman who had her own dreams and purpose and relationships, separate from her mama. Woah.

Young people in tribal cultures are often initiated into adulthood only after they are sent into the wilderness to discover their vision and purpose. Separated from friends and family, they turn inward to find their unique gifts and wisdom and to forge their own connection to the physical and spiritual worlds.

And so I let everything I knew go and created a blank slate, a canvas for a new vision to emerge. We had just signed a lease for the perfect home for our community in Austin, and while the physical space was getting new walls, paint, and flooring I felt expectant, belly-full with possibilities. I listened and followed my instincts, like a pregnant mother following her body’s messages of what to eat and when.

And then a rare window opened. Raven was out of town, I had no classes to teach, and three days of space to myself at home. My being knew it was time to dream.

So I went into my garden and spent two days pulling weeds, talking to plants, squishing bugs, and digging in compost to soil by hand. From the outside, I was gardening. From the inside, I was creating space for the mother earth to speak through me of how I could best be in service to her.

On the third morning the waters broke and I sat down and birthed the entire structure of our organization wrote out the pathway of new classes and workshops and programs through February 2013, created a new logo and mission statement, and renamed the organization. There was no thought, only following a larger knowing. My favorite story of this time was when I opened to the question, “What is our new name?” The feeling I was looking for was something short, easy to remember, that was somehow connected to our organization but also new.

“Toci!” Popped into my head. “But that is not a direct acronym for the Toltec Center of Creative Intent….” “Toci!” I heard. “Okay, I’ll think about it,” I said outloud. “Go look it up,” came the answer back.

“Hmmm,” I thought. “I wonder what toci means.” When I googled what I thought was a made-up word my jaw dropped towards the floor and then laughed out loud.  I wasn’t directing anything; I was being guided.

And so I am pleased to announce the re-birth of a new-ancient being, Toci. May Toci help all she touches to re-connect with our hearts, to re-ignite the flame of our inner healing wisdom, and to reclaim our wholeness.

Toci ("Our grandmother" in Nahuatl ) is a deity figuring prominently in the religion and mythology of pre-Columbian Mexico. She is attributed as the "Mother of the Gods" and associated as a Mother goddess (also called Tlalli Iyollo, "Heart of the Earth”)

Thanks, grandma for the new logo, new curriculum, and new space. We are listening….